Tuesday, January 08, 2013

THIS IS PHI BULANI

This just in from WWW. PHI BULANI. COM
- P.B.'s  Elvis Has Left The Building Birthday Celebration Meal ***
An Interview style recipe reveal with a special ghostly guest.

We're on a set and Elvis is the host, the audience is filled mostly with women- 

EP: Ok Phi - man, what are we lookin at here?

PB: "Well, you are looking at a t-shirt that was a Christmas gift from my sister, and my "Elvis Has Left The Building Sandwich" suitable for pre work out consumption or if your singing gospel into the wee hours and celebrating the King's birthday---

- it's packin' a wallop of at least 300/350 power packed calories, a good portion of them from a variety of proteins- I mean you can eat a few of these things and not feel stuffed!

EP: - uh, well maybe you can!  All the same, it sounds like it's updated to your new regime...


PB: - uh huh huh--- you got that right, and I think the king would give a big thumbs up... ok here's the recipe


Two slices fresh light rye bread

Butter
Pure just peanuts peanut butter
1 fresh banana

EP: That's it? No deep fryer, no chasin' it down with vodka--- WHERE' THE BACON SON?


[audience twitters]

PB: That's another recipe.  So no vodka either... nope, not today, nope---  so, yeah man, that's it, but it's not so much the ingredients, it's how you put em together.


EP: I'm listening.


PB: ok good cause I don't aim on repeatin' myself--


EP: --you save that for the sandwich


PB: Ba'da'bum ... ... beat me to that one!  Gettin' ahead of myself here, prep is very important, so put some Elvis on-


EP: --preferably vinyl!  (Not like I'm here or nothin') 

PB: Love me Tender, Burnin' Love, A Little Less Conversation-

EP: -A little more eatin'


[audience claps a bit]

PB: So yeah, start with the music,   Maybe "Fever"... original version... 1960; Elvis is Back, he's in GI uniform on the vinyl jacket, anyways, select your bread, loosen the clasp of the bread bag, peeeeel back the folds and gently remove the slices, lay them on a plate, preferably blue-


EP: -why blue?


PB: Goes with the music... stop interrupting me.


EP: -sure okay. [Elvis gestures with a signature move and Fever starts playing in the background, complete with a vinyl hiss)


PB: Now, you don't just smear the butter on those slicey's of bread ladies, let the butter caress the bread, you know what I mean, now once you've finished--- caressing- with the caresses of butter, start to smother with kisses of the peanut butter-

EP: Uhhh, Phi-man, I gotta remind you son, this is family show-

PB: hahaha--- a'right, okay... don't hold back now, don't be stingy, be generous with those kisses of peanut buttery goodness... on both slicey's of bread.  Now when you get to the banana, this is important-

[Giggles from audience]

EP: ---FAMILY SHOW SON

PB: ---It's important because in my epicurean opinion it's more fun to eat when the banana is sliced into chunky pieces, rather than an all out mash!  So place those chunks o' banana onto that peanut buttery goodness and seal the deal with the other slice flip flop one on top of the other, and wham bam, you've got the sandwich ready for the pan, which should be heated to a comfortable medium temp.  

EP: Now we're gettin' somewhere- [elvis claps his hands together, audience laughs]

PB: ---yeah man, drop a few tablespoons of butter, and watch it melt, so you don't burn the butter baby, when it's all nice and melted on your hot little skillet, place that sandwich on the pan, and it will sizzle, cover with a lid for 1-2 min, allowing the butter to both soak and grill, creating a golden brown, crunchy buttery irresistible texture. 

EP: You might need more butter!


[Ladies giggle]

PB: Flip the sandwich.  Watch for another 1-2 minutes and Shazam! you have yourself a meal fit for the king- 


EP: Makin me hungry--


PB: ---yeah me too


EP: Okay so that's the sandwich, what's the drink? 


PB: Chocolate protein shake; micro filtered whey, mixed with banana and milk... it's good man, great taste!  


EP: Uh huh, what are those capsules??


PB: Amphetamines--- what else?  


EP:  Blank stare.


PB:  2000mg CLA--


EP: CLA? 


PB: CLA; Conjugated Linoleic Acid,  helps break down excess fat's in digestion.  


EP: Blank Stare [Elvis picks up a guitar and starts strummin'... as the LP in the background hisses ]


 END.

It get's whackier, I wake up or snap out of it in the kitchen with some of the ingredients and recipe started, buttered bread and lid off the peanut butter!  


*** This interview is a recount of a fantasmagorical dream I experienced...  more than a dream, it was a DREM!  With hues of blue, it was so real, visceral, I jotted it all down as best I could and head to the kitchen!  Keep in mind that my usual late night snack is usually a light cottage cheese*, so in this context, it's even funnier... for me.  Psychologist have a field day with this one!  


PS. I think this makes for a great hangover recovery meal as well.  Screw MickeyD's baby, this is the way to go!


* Cottage Cheese is rich in casein protein, promotes good lean muscle growth because of digestion rate.

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